Welcome to Issue x.x of Digestable, your thrice-weekly mouthful of real things happening in the world, minus alarmist pandemic news.
Today’s news, fermented:
Sometimes the first few things you see are the ones that stick in your brain, minutes of scrolling later.
The first - Joe Biden has returned the US to its former place in the world as an Unnecessary Superpower. Airstrikes killed 22 people in Syria who were apparently part of an ‘umbrella group’ of militias. Whether or not that’s true is beyond my level of security clearance, but it’s really hard to believe that more bombs directed to a part of the world the US has been actively destabilizing for decades is the priority.
Meanwhile, an epidemiologist is worried that low sperm counts ‘threaten human survival.’ Headlines like this really get me. Is this click bait? Yes. Is it true? Possibly. But is this actually the story?
I took one semester of college genetics, so call me an expert—but again, it’s impossible to believe that when the handful of humans in power have made it their job to deprive the rest of us of food, water, shelter, and a livable climate, that this is somehow a sperm issue. We actually do know that genes directly respond to environments. This is one of the ways generational trauma and environmental racism live in our bodies; of course the sperm count is lower than it was when we had fewer decades of capitalism weighing us down.
In lighter news, here’s a (formerly) large sheep friend. I know there’s been talk of pandemic hair getting out of control, but this is on its own level.
Caro's Advice Corner
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DJ M0RO’s low-key Music Show
Back next week!
Brought to you by the superb Latifah Azlan.
Not to end the week on an extremely unsettling note but in case you missed the news, Lady Gaga's dogs have been stolen.
In fact, the full story of what happened is even more horrific than that sentence conveys. Yesterday morning, a few people ran up and shot Gaga's dog walker, Ryan Fischer, four times in the chest while he was out walking Gaga's three French bulldogs. Two of the dogs were snatched but a third was recovered safely, with reports stating that it had run away during the shooting. Ryan was rushed to the hospital where he is in critical condition but expected to make a full recovery.
I did some research online and apparently, French bulldogs are an expensive canine breed, which makes them targets of such dognapping cases. They average around $3,500 per pup, but can go as high as $100,000 and are around $7,000 to breed because French bulldogs cannot reproduce naturally due to their build. The police investigating Gaga's dognapping however don't think that the singer was targeted in yesterday's attack but was an unfortunate victim in a wave of dog robberies that has been happening in Hollywood lately.
Lady Gaga is offering a $500,000 reward for the safe return of her pets -- no questions asked. That is half a million dollars for two little puppies to come home!
On the one hand, I understand that Gaga wants her babies back. On the other hand, a man was shot FOUR whole times to the chest for these little creatures. You would think that Gaga would care for some level of justice for her employee who was almost killed! So I'm side eyeing the "no questions asked" aspect of the reward. Unless Gaga's about to set Ryan up for life, he deserves more than this.
Anyway, it's dire straits out here in these streets and unfortunately, even dogs and dog walkers aren't safe in this economy. I don't know anything about the supply chain of stolen pups but you know what to look out for on your scheduled evening quarantine walks this weekend! And here's to hoping that Ryan has an easy recovery ahead of him.